Tristram Shandy: Book 9: Chapters 26-33 Summary & Analysis

Chapter 26. Tristram argues that just as it is natural for a traveler from London to Edinburgh to ask how far it is to York, the halfway point, it is natural for widow Wadman to ask how far it is from the hip to the groin, as her first husband had sciatica. Widow Wadman reads anatomy books but cannot make sense of them. She even asked Dr. Slop if Toby had fully recovered from his wound, but she was unable to get a clear answer to her question.

Returning to widow Wadman’s couch, Tristram claims that women have their own ways of asking for things without arousing suspicion. Widow Wadman uses this approach to ask Toby himself, asking roundabout questions about his wound. Toby is moved by her genuine concern. Her questions, however, lead her to Namur and the counterscarp. When she then asks him where he received his wound, looking at his breeches, Toby presumes she is thinking of the gate of St. Roch, and, intending to show her the precise location, sends Trim for the map. Widow Wadman is too polite to explain the misunderstanding, despite her disappointment.

Chapter 27. Trim brings Toby’s map into the kitchen.

Chapter 28. Trim explains the map of Namur to Bridget, pointing out exactly where Toby received his wound. Bridget, too, tries to steer the conversation back to her real question, telling Trim that had Toby been wounded worse, it would have “undone” widow Wadman. Trim kisses her but tells her she is lying. She claims she’s telling the truth, and as they argue reveals the true object of widow Wadman’s investigations. Trim curses at her in response.

Chapter 29. It is unclear if Bridget will laugh or cry. Trim responds gently, telling her he understands why she is attempting to discover the indecent truth about Toby on widow Wadman’s behalf and that he respects her loyalty, even though her investigations run the risk of insulting Toby. He asks her “whose suspicion has misled” her, and she begins to cry.

Chapter 30. Toby and Trim conduct their “campaign” separately, with communications cut off. Toby therefore remains oblivious to the “attacks” he suffers, though Trim makes significant inroads with Bridget. Trim is unable to share the information he has learned with Toby, however, as he is afraid of offending his master’s modesty. Tristram praises Trim for placing Toby’s feelings above his own desire for glory, and he says that though he has already written one apotheosis for Trim, if he could write another he would do so on the very next page.

Chapter 31. Toby, smoking his pipe and thinking about all of widow Wadman’s charming qualities, asks Trim for a pen. Trim gives him one and also brings paper. Toby begins to dictate to Trim, listing off widow Wadman’s virtues, beginning with her compassion and humanity, especially insofar as she asks about his wound. Trim writes “HUMANITY.” Toby asks Trim how often Bridget asks him about his own wound. Trim says she doesn’t ask him about it. Toby confidently says that this indicates the depth of Wadman’s character. He also claims that if it were his knee that were wounded, widow Wadman would ask about that wound just as often. Trim finally confesses that the reason widow Wadman is so interested in Toby’s groin is because of its proximity to other body parts. Toby whistles, puts down his pipe, and suggests they go over to Walter’s house.

Chapter 32. While waiting for Toby and Trim to arrive, Tristram explains to the reader that widow Wadman has made Mrs. Shandy her confidant and that Bridget has shared her secrets with Susannah. Mrs. Shandy is unfazed, but Susannah instantly sets about spreading the secret of Toby’s wound, telling Jonathan, who tells the scullion, who tells others until everyone within five miles knows why Toby has yet to marry widow Wadman. Walter learns the truth just as Toby and Trim head over. He uses this new information to prove to Yorick—in front of his wife—that all women are lustful and sinful. Yorick is attempting to add some nuance to Walter’s theory when Toby enters the room, and the innocent look on his brother’s face incites Walter to another angry harangue.

Chapter 33. Walter concedes that the reproduction of the human species is important but is frustrated that it must be done by such debased and animalistic means. He rejects the argument that sex in and of itself is neither good nor bad, citing Diogenes and Plato. War, by contrast, is glorious, Walter argues; both Toby and Yorick are about to enter the debate, arguing for and against the glories of war, respectively, when Obadiah interrupts them with urgent news. Walter is forced by an obscure local rule to take care of a bull for the parish. Last summer Obadiah brought the bull a cow for breeding; on the same day, Obadiah married Walter’s maid. Obadiah believes the two pregnancies are related and checks up on the cow daily, but she does not give birth. Eventually Obadiah blames the bull.

The bull is, Tristram confesses, not up to the task of serving such a large parish, but Walter approves of the dedication with which the bull goes about his business anyway. Walter rejects Obadiah’s criticism of his bull, asking Dr. Slop if the cow could be infertile. Dr. Slop says that never happens, but there could be a problem with Obadiah’s wife. He asks if Obadiah’s child has hair. Obadiah replies it is as hairy as he is (he has not shaved for three weeks). Walter whistles and, turning to Toby, praises his bull as good enough for Europa herself. If the bull had two legs, Walter adds, he could go to Doctors Commons and lose his character, “which to a Town bull (…) is the very same thing as his life.” Mrs. Shandy swears, asking what kind of story her husband is telling, and Yorick replies that it is about a cock and a bull and is one of the best he has ever heard.