The Sirens of Titan: Chapter 7: Victory Summary & Analysis

Rumfoord is the author of one of the only “intelligent” commentaries on war ever produced by the human race. His 75,000-word Pocket History of Mars summarizes the war between Earth and Mars so perfectly that nothing else has ever needed to be written about it. The book is written in a very matter-of-fact tone, listing details such as that the war lasted 67 Earth days, and that 461 Earthlings and 149,315 Martians were killed. By the end of the war, every Martian is either killed, wounded, captured, or missing. Mars’s entire civilization is destroyed. The last Martians who attack Earthlings are the elderly, women, and young children.

The Martian Army is thwarted by the fact that without their real commanders, the soldiers become completely inept. They also lack proper weaponry. The Martian space ships are automatically piloted, with only two buttons, on and off. However, the off button doesn’t do anything—it was installed to bring the soldiers peace of mind. The war began when the Martians claimed control of the Earthling moon, which had less than a 100 Earthlings on it at the time, most of whom were researchers. The Martians make dramatic threats, but the actual actions they take are rather pathetic.

The Earth army, on the other hand, deploy nuclear weapons, destroying the moon’s habitability for 10 million years. One of the nuclear bombs misses the moon and takes out all 15,671 Martian Imperial Commandos instead. In the middle of the war there is a 32 day “lull” as the Martian Army travels across the space between the two planets. There is no element of surprise regarding when the Martians will arrive. When they do, they make the mistake of scattering all over Earth, leaving them completely vulnerable. The only Martian victory of the entire war is the capture of a Swiss meat market in Basel.

The Martian Army is slaughtered both by Earth soldiers and ordinary civilians. After the massacre, a Martian scout ship promises that more attacks are on the way, which leads the Earthlings to preemptively strike Mars, erasing the entire city of Phoebe. However, no one is left on the planet at that point. The Martian ships approach Earth, carrying ordinary civilians (including the elderly and children). The “elaborate suicide of Mars” was designed by Rumfoord, but is technologically executed by Salo. Salo is a messenger from the planet Tralfamadore, which is located in the Small Magellanic Cloud. Compared to Earthlings, the Tralfamadorians are an ancient species with highly advanced technology and intelligence.

Even in its broken state, Salo’s spaceship outranks all Earth spaceships to a significant degree. Even more significantly, Salo is in possession of a supply of the Universal Will to Become (UWTB). The Rumfoords’ butler, Earl Moncrief, earns a fortune off of the misunderstanding and fear of ordinary, “servile” people. He orders his agents to disassemble Martian spaceships, before reassembling them. The new ships are powered with UWTB. Rumfoord, meanwhile, believes it is vital to introduce a “plausible” new religion to the end of the war. He creates a narrative that the “virtually unarmed saints” who pathetically attempt to attack Earth do so in service of a wider goal—to bring the people of Earth together.

Bee and Chrono are on one of the very last ships to leave Mars, and manage to land in the Amazon rainforest without being attacked by the Earth army. Meanwhile, after Unk and Boaz press the on button of their ship, they don’t go into battle but to the planet Mercury. This is because Rumfoord engineered their ship to take them there on autopilot, wanting to ensure that Unk was safe in the war so that he could play an important role in the new religion. Unk and Boaz are both bored on the ship, as there is little in the way of entertainment. Boaz attempts to control Unk using the box in his pocket, but Unk informs him that he removed the box the previous night while Boaz was asleep.

During the war, Rumfoord and Kazak materialize on Earth twice, and both times tickets are sold to the event by Marlin T. Lapp, a “showman” Rumfoord befriended. During one of these materializations, Rumfoord speaks grandly about a new religion, which is called The Church of God the Utterly Indifferent. Its flag is blue and gold, and its motto is “Take Care of the People, and God Almighty Will Take Care of Himself.” The religion’s main teaching is that “puny man” cannot have any impact on God, and that luck is not a manifestation of God’s will. Rumfoord tells people that they should follow the religion because he can perform miracles—specifically, the miracle of predicting the future.

Telling a strange “parable” about Malachi Constant, Rumfoord asks if anyone could possibly believe that luck is “the hand of God.” He promises that next time he materializes he will bring a version of the Bible edited so that it is “meaningful in modern times.” Meanwhile, on the spaceship headed for Mercury, Boaz watches Unk sleep. He knows he could kill Unk or reestablish control over him, but has realizes that he more than anything he wants a “buddy” and not to feel alone. Boaz suddenly bursts into laughter at the absurdity of his and Unk’s situation. He throws his old control box on the floor, saying he doesn’t want it anymore.