Dark Roots

by

Cate Kennedy

Dark Roots Summary & Analysis

Summary
Analysis
The unnamed protagonist, narrating from a second-person perspective, walks into her house and hears the phone ringing. She lets the call go to voicemail and, hearing that the caller is her lover, Paul, feels a rush of endorphins. Even though people tend to think this sensation is “love,” she notes, it’s really “chemical,” and it drowns out the quieter voice of caution.
This opening scene establishes the mental state that will drive the protagonist’s actions throughout the story. Immediately, the reader knows that the protagonist is liable to succumb to her own emotions and chase the high of her relationship. The fact that this impulse overshadows her other, perhaps more rational instinct for treading carefully into this new relationship is essential to understanding the protagonist’s inability to heed her own rational inner voice throughout the story.
Themes
Ageism and Misogyny Theme Icon
Beauty Standards and Self-Image Theme Icon
Quotes
The protagonist visits the doctor and receives a prescription for birth control pills. She and the doctor discuss side effects, and she reminisces about the first time she was on birth control at age 22. She reflects on the differences between her slim, toned body at that time and her body now at age 39. Her doctor warns her about the potential side effect of an increase in appetite. When the doctor makes a comment about her age, she feels defensive.
This scene introduces the story’s interest in ageism, its intersection with certain kinds of misogyny, and the many related beauty standards that ultimately impact the protagonist’s self-image. The casual nature of the doctor’s comments and warnings about both the protagonist’s age and the possibility of weight gain show how normalized unrealistic standards for women are. Furthermore, it shows that these two themes are deeply intertwined. This scene also introduces the symbol of the contraceptive pills, which will appear throughout the story to represent the ways that the protagonist puts aside her own needs in service of the needs (or the needs that she imagines) of her partner.
Themes
Ageism and Misogyny Theme Icon
Beauty Standards and Self-Image Theme Icon
Quotes
The protagonist tells her friends that Paul is 13 years younger than her. She feels the need for her friends to be supportive and, as she hoped, they comment that, if the age difference were reversed, nobody would bat an eye. The protagonist lies about Paul’s job as an academic (he’s still finishing his PhD) and later wonders why she lied. That night, as the protagonist takes the first birth control pill, she reflects on the compliments people have been giving her as of late, identifying the cause as the lust she feels for Paul.
Here, the reader sees that the protagonist is deeply affected by the opinions of others. Her need for validation in this moment suggests that she’s insecure about the age gap between her and Paul. It also hints that she is afraid  of being judged for dating a much younger man. Still, although the protagonist’s friends comfort her about the age gap, the protagonist is ashamed of other aspects of her relationship with Paul. The fact that she lies to her friends about his job demonstrates the protagonist’s desire to curate a certain image—even if this means being dishonest.
Themes
Ageism and Misogyny Theme Icon
The Role of Honesty in Relationships Theme Icon
Quotes
The protagonist begins to put more effort into her appearance on a day-to-day basis. She muses on the “Older Woman” fantasy, suspecting that it is more common than people admit and describing it as an alternative way to live one’s life. In an impulsive moment and in an attempt to keep Paul’s interest, she dyes her hair red. She reminds herself that she must stay vigilant about maintaining her appearance, fearing that letting go of these concerns will cause her to lose Paul.
The protagonist’s “Older Woman” fantasy demonstrates the intensity of the difference that she (and presumably the world at large) perceives between herself and Paul. Rather than simply existing as two equals in a relationship, the protagonist must understand their dynamic through a fantasy, implying that being the “Older Woman” in a relationship is abnormal. Perhaps the fantasy is an overcompensation for her insecurity in their relational dynamic. As the protagonist takes her first steps in changing her appearance, it is clear that satisfaction will evade her. Rather than feeling good about her new hair color, she worries about maintaining it. Her self-image is not dependent on her own desires, but on the standards and (imagined) desires of others.
Themes
Ageism and Misogyny Theme Icon
Beauty Standards and Self-Image Theme Icon
The Role of Honesty in Relationships Theme Icon
Quotes
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Dark Roots PDF
The protagonist, becoming more comfortable, continues to talk with her friends about Paul, telling the story of their meeting at a film screening where the two happened to be seated next to one another. She tells her friends that, after the screening, she and Paul went for a drink and talked about the film. Her friends lovingly tease her about both the date and her age, but the protagonist can tell that they are listening with interest.
The reader learns that the protagonist and Paul share their love of film. Here, Kennedy introduces film as a symbol of fantasy in a relationship. This symbolism sheds further light on the “Older Woman” fantasy that Kennedy introduced earlier in the plot. When gushing about Paul to her friends, their teasing responses show that they, too, share the protagonist’s insecurity about her age, but they choose to cope with it through humor. Their rapt attention despite their teasing demonstrates that they also share the protagonist’s desire for an exciting love affair with a younger man—a love affair in which they feel desired despite their age.
Themes
Ageism and Misogyny Theme Icon
As her relationship with Paul progresses, the protagonist struggles with insecurity about her body and appearance. One week into taking her birth control pills, she develops a side effect that the doctor warned her about: increased appetite. The protagonist becomes even more vigilant and anxious about her appearance, obsessing over the way her body will look on her upcoming trip with Paul to the coast.
The protagonist’s struggle with insecurity persists despite her enjoyment in her relationship with Paul. Her increased appetite, which the early scene at the doctor’s office foreshadowed, presents another obstacle to the protagonist’s ability to look the way she believes Paul wants her to look. Her obsessive vigilance grows, reinforcing the idea that the process of changing herself for someone else will never give her satisfaction.
Themes
Beauty Standards and Self-Image Theme Icon
Quotes
As the protagonist continues to take her birth control pills, she worries that she will never have the chance to have a child. Though she used to “fervently [avoid]” having children, now she fears she’ll be “one of those nuisance women” desperately seeking fertility treatments as her biological clock winds down. She continues to dye her hair, overwhelmed by the maintenance of her dark roots and gray hairs. As side effects from her birth control continue with a new layer of unwanted facial hair, she puts more effort into hiding them.
The protagonist’s anxiety that she will never be able to have a child is directly connected to her obsession with hiding her age. Even though she truly wants children, she is holding on to her younger self’s strategy of avoiding them. This desire to hide her age continues to appear as she takes steps to prevent her hair from showing its natural dark color and more recent grays. Both the way she hides her desire for a child and her effort to hide her true appearance show the nature of her dishonesty within the relationship—a dishonesty mostly fueled by insecurity.
Themes
Ageism and Misogyny Theme Icon
Beauty Standards and Self-Image Theme Icon
The Role of Honesty in Relationships Theme Icon
Quotes
On their romantic getaway to the coast, the protagonist observes the ways that Paul’s behavior differs from her own. Whereas he sits in the sun and buys fatty food without fear of consequences to his skin or his weight, the protagonist despises herself for eating fish and chips with him and sitting in the sun, fearing consequences to her own body. She avoids looking at her own reflection and worries about what Paul might think of her skin. She continues to take her birth control, despite its side effects and avoids discussing her desire for children with Paul.
The protagonist’s observations of the differences between her behavior and Paul’s behavior make it more difficult for her to avoid the realities of their large age gap. When faced with reality, she feels worse about her age and appearance. Still, she continues to hide her age and desire for children from Paul, further putting off telling him what she truly wants and thus further jeopardizing their relationship.
Themes
Ageism and Misogyny Theme Icon
Beauty Standards and Self-Image Theme Icon
The Role of Honesty in Relationships Theme Icon
Quotes
While shopping in a department store, the protagonist despairs at the sight of her gray hair and cellulite, for which she blames her eating habits on her vacation with Paul, in the changing room mirror. She questions the “ridiculous lingerie” and the jeans that she has tried on. She spirals further into this inner crisis, wondering why she is “wasting her time with this guy” rather than finding someone her own age who also wants to have children. She resolves to double down on her efforts to hide her insecurities and her age, buying more hair dye and making an appointment for a leg wax.
The protagonist again faces her insecurities about the age gap between her and Paul when she associates her cellulite with eating rich foods on their vacation. The fact that the protagonist has this experience while shopping for new clothes further demonstrates that her attempts to hide rather than accept her true age and appearance will never satisfy her. Additionally, her self-criticism at dating a younger man rather than one her own age shows that she has internalized the ageist and misogynistic idea that an older woman should not date a younger man. Though she associates the idea of a lover her own age with that of a lover who also wants children, she and Paul never have any sort of conversation about children. This fact demonstrates that the protagonist not only does not communicate her own desires but also does not communicate sufficiently with Paul to ask him about his feelings about children. This lack of communication creates an atmosphere of dishonesty by omission.
Themes
Ageism and Misogyny Theme Icon
Beauty Standards and Self-Image Theme Icon
The Role of Honesty in Relationships Theme Icon
Quotes
The protagonist goes to her leg wax appointment. She chats with the wax technician and is surprised to learn that men also wax their bodies. The protagonist reflects on her recent argument with Paul, where he expressed his frustration at her anxiety about her appearance. As the protagonist goes through the pain of the wax, she continues to discuss others’ hair-removal habits with the technician, disgusted by the expectation for women to be hairless. The protagonist leaves mid-wax, having reached her pain limit.
The protagonist’s leg wax appointment is the breaking point of her journey to hide her true age and appearance from Paul. During this scene, the reader glimpses Paul’s actual feelings for the first time through the protagonist’s memory of their argument. It becomes clear that Paul has explicitly told the protagonist that he does not want her to worry so much about her weight, and thus that the protagonist’s obsession with maintaining a young, thin body comes from within. The protagonist’s conversation with the wax technician about other people’s wax habits forces her to see this practice from an outside perspective. Once she sees her own obsessions through this perspective, and once she associates the physical pain of waxing with this obsession, she is able to begin to overcome her desire to change herself for the (imagined) desires of others.
Themes
Ageism and Misogyny Theme Icon
Beauty Standards and Self-Image Theme Icon
The Role of Honesty in Relationships Theme Icon
Quotes
That night, the protagonist doesn’t bother washing wax and lint off her legs; her “energy for subterfuge seems spent.” Lying in bed, she faces her fear and tells Paul that she will turn 40 in two weeks. Because they are lying in the dark, she cannot see his reaction.
Having experienced an awakening, the protagonist’s lack of care about the lint on her legs shows that she is beginning to prioritize honesty and comfort in her relationship with Paul. Finally, her honesty about her age, although she cannot see his reaction, shows that she is ready to prioritize her own desires without hiding her true self. The fact that both the protagonist and the reader do not have insight into Paul’s feelings in this moment further centers the protagonist’s desires.
Themes
Ageism and Misogyny Theme Icon
Beauty Standards and Self-Image Theme Icon
The Role of Honesty in Relationships Theme Icon
Quotes