Gilead: Pages 179-185 Summary & Analysis

John doesn’t sleep tonight; his heart is unsettled. He remarks that he can’t distinguish between illness and grief. Throughout his life, a weight in his chest has signaled that there’s something he needs to work through; but nowadays, the weight worries him. Tonight he keeps thinking about Jack. This morning Jack sent a note apologizing for offending John and promising not to trouble him again. His wife looks worried when she brings the note in. John sends back a note saying they should try to talk again soon.

John remembers when Jack was 10 or 12 and he set John’s mailbox on fire. In those days, Jack was always up to some prank or another. He even stole a Model T car when he was just 10. He confessed it to John, and John couldn’t bring himself to tell Jack’s parents because he was so impressed with the child’s ability to keep the secret.

And yet he saw a sadness in Jack, too, and in his many “sly and lonely” transgressions. Jack sometimes stole from John, too—even a little photograph of Louisa. John was furious, yet he didn’t know how to tell Boughton. Eventually, the picture was quietly returned to him. As Jack grew older and got in trouble for bigger messes, he got away with it because people respected the Boughtons so much.

John thinks it was strange that Jack was lonely, because he was so beloved by his family. His siblings always fretted over him and tried to protect him from getting into trouble. John found it provoking to be around Jack, especially when he would smile at John as if they were in on a joke together. His point in recounting all this is that Jack is mysterious, and John has never known how to make sense of his behavior morally. Yet he knows how much harm Jack could do. He thinks again of Jack sitting beside his family in church and grinning up at him. It’s not doing his heart any good, so he goes to pray.