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Part I
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in The Poet X, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Sexuality and Shame
Religion and Coming of Age
The Power of Language
Family, Abuse, and Expectations
Summary
Analysis
Smoke Parks. Xiomara says that since she won’t go to Aman’s house (plus, he didn’t invite her), they go to the smoke park. Their school lets out early on Fridays, so Xiomara and Aman go then. Xiomara can smell marijuana on his sweater. They sit on a bench close enough to touch and Aman puts an earbud in Xiomara’s ear. Xiomara wants to sniff his cologne, but she’s afraid of looking obvious. She closes her eyes and listens. When the album is over, Aman takes Xiomara’s hand and pulls her up. Xiomara is thankful for the throngs of people to hide her.
This experience appears to be everything that Xiomara wanted: she gets to listen to good music and Aman shows himself to be kind, rather than putting pressure on Xiomara to do something she doesn’t want to do. This also begins to show Xiomara that she can take control over her romantic life and her sexuality, and that doing so can be a positive and freeing experience.
Themes
I Decided a Long Time Ago. Xiomara says that when it comes to boys, she’ll only ever love Twin. She doesn’t want a “converted man-whore” like Papi, or a boy more in love with himself than anything else. She has to love Twin because he’s the best guy she knows, but he’s also the worst twin.
Xiomara’s assertion that she’ll only love Twin again speaks to the fact that she hasn’t had a lot of good male role models, especially when it comes to romance—Papi’s exploits seem legendary, and Xiomara understands that dating someone like Papi will negatively affect her.
Themes
Why Twin is a Terrible Twin. Twin is small, scrawny, and looks nothing like Xiomara. He refuses to wear contacts and doesn’t try to look cool. He’s a horrible Dominican in that he doesn’t dance, he has a unibrow, and he doesn’t like baseball. He hates fighting—Xiomara was the one who protected Twin’s anime collection when bullies tried to take it.
Again, Xiomara shows that she has intense expectations of how Twin should be, showing that she’s learned from Mami that it’s impossible to focus on the Twin she has; instead, she must focus on the ways in which Twin falls short.
Themes
Why Twin Is a Terrible Twin, for Real. Twin is a genius. He started talking early and has always gotten straight As and scholarships to space camp. He and Xiomara haven’t been in the same grade for a long time, so she can’t copy his homework. Now, he goes to a special high school. Xiomara thinks that he’s a bound book, while she’s just loose blank pages.
As far as Xiomara can tell, Twin is the more successful child in her family. Next to him, she feels inadequate and in this sense, Twin is keeping Xiomara from growing—she focuses on what he’s doing better, not on what she’s also doing well.
Themes
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Why Twin is a Terrible Twin (Last and Most Important Reason). Twin has no twin intuition and never knows if Xiomara is in pain or needs help. He seldom looks up from Japanese comics or the computer to acknowledge Xiomara.
What Xiomara truly craves is an emotional connection, whether with Twin or a romantic partner. Her loneliness means that she doesn’t call on Twin for help, as she doesn’t always trust him to be there.
Themes
But Why Twin is Still the Only Boy I’ll Ever Love. Despite all his flaws, every now and then Twin says something that shocks Xiomara. Today, Twin says that Xiomara looks like something in her shifted. Xiomara wonders if Mami will be able to see that she spent time with Aman. Xiomara wants to tell Twin that he looks different too but before she can speak, Twin says that it might just be Xiomara’s period making her look bloated. She throws a pillow at him.
It’s possible that Twin is more in tune with Xiomara’s thoughts and feelings than she gives him credit for, which suggests that Xiomara may be cutting herself off from a possible line of support. Her sense of loneliness, in this way, makes her more likely to focus on times when she feels alone and miss support when it does appear.
Themes
Sunday, September 23. Communication. When Xiomara leaves Mass, she finds a text from Aman asking what she thought of Kendrick Lamar. Mami scolds Xiomara again for sitting out communion, so Xiomara quickly texts back that she enjoyed it and they should listen to something else. Aman agrees immediately.
Juxtaposing refusing communion with accepting Aman’s invitation shows clearly where Xiomara’s priorities are. Her relationship with Aman is teaching her things and making her feel more seen and heard than anything she experiences in church.
Themes
About A. When Xiomara thinks about Aman, she feels poems grow inside her. She thinks that it feels like someone gave her “metaphor Legos” to stack, but she keeps waiting for someone to destroy her tower. Nobody seems to care, however. Xiomara recites her poems to herself like a prayer.
Writing poems about Aman allows Xiomara the space to consider their relationship and make sense of how it’s unfolding, which again speaks to the power of language. Because she and Aman communicate openly, their relationship is also easier and healthier than the others in Xiomara’s life.
Themes
Monday, September 24. Catching Feelings. Things feel different at school. Xiomara tries to pretend that she forgot about the poetry club, but she sees that Ms. Galiano seems to know that she’s been writing and practicing her poems. At lunch, Xiomara sits with girls who want to be left alone and in biology, she wonders if she should touch Aman when their teacher isn’t looking. She and Aman pass notes. Xiomara feels like a bottle of soda that somebody shook, ready to pop open at any moment.
Feeling like a bottle ready to pop speaks to the fact that Xiomara doesn’t think anyone should be able to see the changes going on inside of her—while Ms. Galiano’s attention, at least, suggests that Xiomara is changing and becoming more confident as she gets deeper into her relationship and continues to privately recite her poems.
Themes
Notes with Aman. Aman asks if Xiomara has gotten involved with anyone at school and asks if the boys aren’t cute enough for her. Xiomara jokes that they aren’t and says that Aman just wants her to admit that she thinks he’s cute. She says she’s still deciding.
These notes with Aman represent one of the first times that Xiomara is able to communicate truthfully with a boy. This moment then becomes indicative of Xiomara’s growing confidence.
Themes
Tuesday, September 25. What I Didn’t Say to Caridad in Confirmation Class. Xiomara says that if Aman were a poem, he’d be written all over a paper bag and have a witty punch line. He’s not elegant like a sonnet and takes up too much space to be a haiku.
Thinking of Aman like a poem allows Xiomara to expand her conception of what poetry can be, while also giving her another venue to increase her emotional attachment to Aman.
Themes
Lectures. Mami tells Xiomara to listen. Xiomara’s eyes roll as Mami says that she saw Xiomara and Caridad whispering in class. She tells Xiomara to not get distracted and lead herself and others from God. Xiomara feels her forehead get sweaty and thinks of all the things she can’t say.
Note specifically that Mami doesn’t want Xiomara to lead others from God. Mami wants Xiomara to understand that she has a responsibility to the community—which Xiomara understands is in direct opposition to what she wants for herself.
Themes
Ms. Galiano’s Sticky Note on Top of Assignment 1. Ms. Galiano says that she thinks that Xiomara’s assignments have been very poetic and asks why Xiomara doesn’t think of herself as a poet. She says that she thinks Xiomara would get a lot out of poetry club.
Praise from Ms. Galiano gives Xiomara validation that what she writes is worthwhile and, in particular, worth sharing—even if they’re not strictly poems. This support means that Xiomara can begin to trust Ms. Galiano more.
Themes
Sometimes Someone Says Something. Xiomara says that Ms. Galiano’s note makes her feel like someone is lighting a fire inside her. She crumples it up and throws it away. Poetry club is like Eve’s apple in that it’s something she can want, but she knows she can’t have it.
When poetry club begins to feel like a forbidden temptation, the novel increases the tension between what Xiomara is expected to do in church and what she wants to do in real life—while putting this in biblical terms speaks to how steeped Xiomara is in Catholic culture.
Themes
Friday, September 28. Listening. Xiomara sits with Aman and waits for him to give her an earbud. He plays with her fingers and asks her to read him one of her poems. Xiomara freezes, but pulls out her poetry notebook and warns Aman not to laugh. Aman closes his eyes and listens to a poem about Papi. Xiomara’s hands tremble and she feels naked. Aman says it reminds him of his mother and says he’ll listen to Xiomara anytime.
Agreeing to perform a poem for Aman is a major step for Xiomara, as it suggests that she’s becoming more confident in her writing and in her relationship with Aman. This also speaks well of Aman, as he clearly makes her feel safe exposing a very personal part of herself to him.
Themes
Mother Business. Xiomara and Aman usually don’t talk about their families, since they know their culture’s rules—it’s not cool to talk about people’s parents, since most kids only have one person caring for them and it’s not always a biological parent. But in this case, Xiomara feels like she said too much about Papi and she wants to hear about Aman’s family. She asks him about his mom. Aman sits quietly, but notices Xiomara shivering and puts her hand in his jacket pocket. He looks her in the eye and Xiomara doesn’t expect him to answer.
Taking this step to talk more about their families, even though it’s against the rules of engagement, shows that Xiomara and Aman are beginning to figure out exactly what works for them. It’s especially important for Xiomara to learn that it’s not always the best to play by the rules, given how stringent her rules are at home and that, at some point, she’s going to have to break them.
Themes
And Then He Does. Aman says that his mother was beautiful. She and his dad married when they were teens. His dad came to the U.S. and then sent for Aman and his mom. Aman remembers the palm trees and the mangoes of Trinidad, but he was young enough to squash his accent. Aman’s mom never came. She used to call every day but now just calls on Aman’s birthday. He never asks when she’s coming, and Aman and his dad get along well. Aman says he learned to not be angry and that he can love his mom by letting her go.
The fact that Aman eventually came to a new understanding of what he can and should expect from his mother offers an example to Xiomara of how to engage with one’s expectations. It’s impossible, the novel suggests, for someone to live up to every expectation—sometimes, healing can only come through adjusting expectations as Aman does here.
Themes
Warmth. Aman and Xiomara walk together and skip every train station. They walk silently and keep each other warm, silently agreeing to walk as far as they can.
Now that they’ve begun to connect over poetry and music, Xiomara and Aman don’t need to be as explicit about their intentions—they’re developing an unspoken language.
Themes
Tuesday, October 9. The Next Couple of Weeks. Time flies and it’s finally October. Xiomara avoids Ms. Galiano and her invitations to the poetry club. Aman and Xiomara walk together to the train after school. She thinks that they both want to do more, but Xiomara feels shy and Aman never pressures her. Xiomara wonders if he’s being respectful or just isn’t into her. She reasons that if he weren’t into her, they wouldn’t be hanging out. Every Sunday Xiomara takes communion, but she puts the wafer under the pew. On Tuesdays, she sits in confirmation class and thinks of all the things she’d rather be doing, like writing or attending poetry club. She does a good job of pretending to listen until one day, she asks Father Sean about Eve.
Again, by connecting Xiomara’s developing relationship with Aman (which seems overwhelmingly positive, if a bit confusing) with her choice to distance herself further from God by not taking communion and not fully participating in confirmation classes, the novel shows that as Xiomara comes of age, she’ll move more towards the things that make her happy while more confidently rejecting the religion that she sees is oppressing her. In introducing her question about Eve, this suggests that her growing confidence has real consequences.
Themes
Eve. Father Sean explains that Eve could’ve made better choices. Her story teaches people how to deal with temptation and resist the proverbial apple. Xiomara doesn’t know if it’s because of what she’s learning in school and in life or not, but the story sounds like nonsense to her. She says so out loud. Caridad goes still.
In this moment, Xiomara begins to suspect that the church isn’t actually going to help her live in the most fulfilling way, since she’s enjoying her possibly sinful time with Aman so much and feeling more confident by moving away from religion.
Themes
“I Think the Story of Genesis is Mad Stupid.” Xiomara says that God made the earth and humans in seven days, but she also points out that she’s learning in science that dinosaurs were around for millions of years first. She asks if the seven days is a metaphor, and if Adam’s creation was a metaphor too. She asks why God didn’t explain why Adam and Eve couldn’t eat the apple, and why he gave Eve curiosity but didn’t want her to exercise it. She asks if the Bible is a poem, if it’s all a metaphor, and if any of it happened. Other kids watch, transfixed. Father Sean asks to talk to Xiomara after class.
Xiomara shows here that she’s perfectly willing and capable of thinking critically about the Bible and how, in an ideal world, it might apply to her life and provide meaning for her. This suggests that if Father Sean and Mami would encourage this line of critical thinking, Xiomara may be ultimately more willing to be a part of the church community and see it as valuable—but Father Sean’s reaction makes it clear that even if he’s into people devoting themselves because they want to, these questions are inappropriate.
Themes
As We Are Packing to Leave. Caridad whispers that it’s going to be awful if Father Sean says anything to Mami. Xiomara says that they’re supposed to be curious and asks if priests are supposed to keep things confidential. Caridad points out that this wasn’t a confession. Xiomara thinks that it was.
Again, while Xiomara is technically correct about the Catholic Church encouraging curiosity, Father Sean’s reaction suggests that being truly curious will land a person in a similar place to Eve: cast out and despised.
Themes
Father Sean. Father Sean says that Xiomara seems distracted and asks if there are other things she wants to talk about. He says that it’s normal to be curious and that Catholicism is okay with curiosity. He encourages her to find solace in the church and suggests that she speak honestly and openly with Mami. However, he doesn’t answer Xiomara’s questions.
Not having Father Sean answer her questions is extremely difficult, as it makes it far harder for Xiomara to accept that what Father Sean is saying is true. This suggests that even Father Sean has some growing to do and will need to develop a more understanding way of dealing with questioning congregants.
Themes
Answers. Father Sean looks like he expects answers. Xiomara stares at a photo of Father Sean in a boxing ring and asks if he still fights. He smiles and says that he doesn’t fight as much as he used to and cautions Xiomara that not all fights can be fought with gloves. Xiomara stands up, agrees to not ask about Eve, and leaves before Father Sean can ask her anything else.
It appears here as though Father Sean is implying that Xiomara’s questions about Eve are fighting with metaphorical gloves, while Xiomara doesn’t think that she’s asking fighting questions. This illustrates how language can mean different things for different people, and that what looks like a fight to one person can be simple curiosity to another.
Themes
Rough Draft Assignment 2—Last Paragraphs of My Biography. Xiomara writes that she will have made people say her name correctly and respect her as a woman. She has always known that the world would look at her using stereotypes, but Xiomara smashed through them. Xiomara will be remembered as many things, but she should be remembered most for striving to be a warrior.
When Xiomara wants to have her name pronounced correctly, it shows that more than anything, language is how she feels loved and respected—while abusing language (whether by pronouncing her name wrong, catcalling her like men do, or scolding her like Mami does) makes her feel small and unappreciated.
Themes
Final Draft of Assignment 2 (What I Actually Turn In). Xiomara writes that she was a writer who created a nonprofit for first-generation teen girls. The nonprofit helps girls talk to their parents about dating and moving out. Xiomara bought her parents a house in the Dominican Republic. She never married or had children, but she was happy in her Harlem brownstone with Twin living down the street.
The fact that Xiomara uses this exercise to experiment with calling herself a writer tells Ms. Galiano that Xiomara is interested in the poetry club, as well as that Xiomara feels trapped at home—her desire to help other girls reflects her own sense of being stifled, as well as her dawning knowledge that this is something that can be talked through.
Themes
Hands. Xiomara admits that she and Aman have been holding hands in their desk in biology. She hopes her hands don’t sweat and wonders if he’s nervous too. She wonders if they’re both pretending that they’ve done this before. Xiomara thinks that even though she’s dreamed about him, it’s different to touch him in real life. His touch seems to light matches inside of her.
With this, Xiomara shows clearly that even this is an overwhelmingly positive and respectful relationship, broader societal expectations and models of how relationships should be still make her feel uneasy about what she’s doing with Aman.
Themes
Fingers. At night, Xiomara masturbates. She’s learning how to be silent and when she orgasms, it feels like a relief. Then, she feels shame settle on her. She thinks that making herself feel like this is dirty, but wonders why it feels so good if it’s bad.
The church has taught Xiomara that the things that make her feel happy, from masturbating to writing poetry, aren’t good—and consequently, Xiomara has learned to not trust her body and her brain when she feels good and safe.
Themes
Tuesday, October 16. Talking Church. Aman confirms that Xiomara goes to church often. Xiomara freezes. She knows that Aman is going to think that she’s either a freak who won’t do anything or a freak who wants to have sex with the first interested guy. Aman calls Xiomara’s attention by calling her X, and Xiomara thinks of how much she loves the nickname. Finally, Xiomara says that Mami loves church. Aman asks what Xiomara loves. She says that she loves poetry and Aman asks what her stage name is. Xiomara insists that she’s just a writer, but she’d like to be the Poet X. Aman smiles and says he thinks the name is perfect.
This exchange is a major learning moment for Xiomara, as she goes into it with major expectations for how Aman is going to act—and he doesn’t do what she thinks he’s going to do at all. With more experiences like these, Xiomara will begin to learn that she can trust people like Aman to not make assumptions about her, while also understanding that Mami’s love of church doesn’t have to ruin her own life like she initially thinks it will.
Themes
Swoon. In science, Xiomara learns about how heat flows through some materials better than others. She thinks that the best conductor is something said by a boy. Her toes feel warm as the heat shoots through her.
These shorter poems allow Xiomara to play with imagery and develop some of her feelings for Aman, giving her an outlet to express herself that’s purely emotional and positive.
Themes
Telephone. Twin doesn’t ask who Xiomara spends all night texting and Xiomara doesn’t share. Xiomara thinks that she’s never had friends aside from Caridad, but now she talks to Aman all the time. He sends her Drake lyrics and asks for poems in return. Xiomara knows that Twin wonders because she wonders who he’s texting. Twin is smiling and giggly, and Xiomara knows they’re both keeping secrets.
That neither Twin nor Xiomara asks about who the other is texting suggests that there’s an understanding that what they’re doing is dangerous and could have disastrous consequences if Mami found out. To this end, not talking helps them stay safe and protect each other, again showing how oppressive environments make it hard to use language to form connections.
Themes
Over Breakfast. Twin sings under his breath as he cuts an apple and gives half to Xiomara. Xiomara asks who Twin is smiling about, which makes Twin stop smiling. Twin asks who’s making Xiomara smile. She blushes and looks away. Xiomara insists that she’s just happy and suggests they get on planning their scary movie Halloween date with Caridad.
Again, not talking about their respective crushes means that Xiomara and Twin can, if need be, not be forced to rat each other out if Mami finds out. This shows clearly how silence can be a way to keep oneself safe, especially in a dysfunctional household.
Themes
Angry Cat, Happy X. Caridad texts Xiomara an angry cat meme because it reminds her of Xiomara. Xiomara brushes it off and confirms that they’re on for their Halloween date. Caridad asks about the boy, but Xiomara doesn’t want to talk because she knows Caridad doesn’t approve. Caridad insists that she doesn’t want Xiomara to get in trouble, but she loves seeing her happy. She sends a happy cat meme.
Caridad’s kindness here continues to offer an example of how people can and should act when faced with a friend doing something they don’t entirely approve of. Not condemning Xiomara means that Xiomara will feel better asking for help if she needs it.
Themes
Friday, October 19. About Being in Like. Xiomara relishes her afternoon at the park with Aman. He gives her an earbud and asks if she’s ever smoked marijuana. Xiomara shakes her head. Aman says that Drake is better stoned, but they can listen without. Xiomara shuts her eyes and leans on his shoulder. He puts a hand on her thigh.
When Aman doesn’t pressure Xiomara to smoke, it again shows Xiomara that they can have an open and honest dialogue, and that her thoughts and opinions are worthy of respect. She doesn’t get this at home, so this is the first time she sees how a positive relationship can unfold in this way.
Themes
Music for A. Xiomara writes that putting her head on Aman’s shoulder makes her happy. If they don’t breathe, maybe they’ll live forever. Everything he whispers sounds like poetry. She says that this was supposed to be a question, not a poem or a confession. She asks if he’d listen to the sound of their hearts.
In this poem, Xiomara starts to imply that her time with Aman might be fleeting, which foreshadows the awful things to come.
Themes
Tuesday, October 23. Ring the Alarm. The big day starts normally. It’s the first Tuesday since Xiomara asked about Eve. During last period bio, the fire alarm goes off. Xiomara suggests to Aman that they go to the park. He reminds Xiomara that their teacher is going to take attendance, but Xiomara purposefully bumps her backside into Aman as she gets up. She says they should go. Aman replies that he didn’t know Xiomara liked Drake that much, but Xiomara says she’s not interested in Drake.
Because of the respectful way in which Aman treats Xiomara, Xiomara feels empowered to ask for what she wants and not feel weird or dirty asking for it. This speaks to the power of open communication and not harboring unreasonable expectations—Xiomara is learning she can enjoy herself and doesn’t need to fixate on what she should be doing according to Mami.
Themes
The Day; Wants. Xiomara and Aman sit on their bench. Aman puts his arm around her shoulders and kisses her forehead. He lifts her chin. Xiomara studies his eyebrows and leans in. They kiss. It’s messier than Xiomara thought it would be, but she feels like her heart is learning to fly. Xiomara thinks that men have been telling her for years what they’d like to do to her body, but for the first time, she wants to do some of those things.
Now that Xiomara is moving into physical territory with Aman, she’s able to reevaluate the taunts and catcalls she’s received. Because she’s fostering a healthier relationship with Aman, it no longer seems so scary to consider being sexual—mostly because with Aman, Xiomara has a choice and feels respected.
Themes
At My Train Stop. When the train reaches Xiomara’s station, she pulls her hand out of Aman’s and blushes. She doesn’t hear Aman ask her questions and studies his lips. He suggests they go to a classmate’s Halloween party, but Xiomara leaves without a response or a wave.
Xiomara’s silence as they part suggests that she’s aware of the fine line she’s walking: Mami would never approve of Aman or what Xiomara is doing with him, something that robs Xiomara of some of her happiness about the kiss.
Themes
What I Don’t Tell Aman. Xiomara can’t date, be seen with a boy, or have him in her cellphone. She can’t hang out with a boy, and she definitely can’t fall in love. When she and Aman text at night, she avoids making plans and doesn’t want to tell him what she can’t do. She thinks that she isn’t supposed to kiss boys at the park, but she did that anyway.
By not letting Aman in on the strict rules she’s expected to follow, Xiomara sets Aman up to fail. This suggests that even as Xiomara is learning how to communicate healthily, she’s still entrenched in Mami’s way of doing things and doesn’t yet know how to be open all the time.
Themes
Kiss Stamps. As Xiomara walks into confirmation class, she feels like anyone who looks at her will know she was kissing and that she wants to do more. Xiomara says she didn’t want to stop until Aman put a hand under her shirt. She’s not sure if she jumped because of the cold or guilt, and she’s not even sure if she wanted to stop. Xiomara says it’s confusing to know that she wanted to keep going while knowing she’s not supposed to. Xiomara avoids looking at Caridad, Father Sean, or Jesus and thinks that if God exists, he saw what happened at the park—and he knows that she liked it.
Especially when Xiomara mentions that God knows what she did in the park, it shows how the version of religion that Xiomara knows makes it impossible for her to enjoy herself: either she’s unhappy following God and Mami’s rules, or she’s unable to fully enjoy breaking them due to guilt. Her shame also makes Xiomara much less likely to be willing to talk to anyone about these confusing feelings, as she knows she shouldn’t be kissing in the first place.
Themes
The Last Fifteen-Year-Old. Xiomara knows that it’s not a big deal to kiss a guy. Boys have wanted to kiss her since she was 11. Then adult men wanted to kiss her, and Mami warned Xiomara that she needed to “pray extra” so her body didn’t cause trouble. Xiomara knew that she needed to pray the trouble right out of her body. She wanted to forget that she had a body so instead of playing truth or dare in middle school, she wore big sweaters. Now, she wants Aman to touch her.
Again, in Mami’s eyes, Xiomara’s body is the problem, not the boys or men who feel undeservedly entitled to comment on it or have access to it. Shifting the blame to Xiomara is one of the reasons that Xiomara struggles with guilt surrounding what she’s doing, as it raises the question of what kind of a girl she is if she’s willingly breaking these rules.
Themes
Concerns. Father Sean asks Xiomara if things are okay. She thinks he knows about the kiss and watches him look around. Xiomara shrugs. Father Sean assures her that they all doubt themselves at times. Xiomara asks if Father Sean doubts too, and Father Sean smiles and looks suddenly younger. He explains that he wanted to be a boxer so his body could get him out of terrible circumstances, but Jesus got him out. He sometimes misses home, especially since his mother died and he wasn’t there to say goodbye. Xiomara wants to apologize and make Father Sean smile, but she nods instead.
In this moment, Xiomara starts to see Father Sean as more human. He, like Mami and like Xiomara, had dreams that didn’t come true and has a family that he loved and couldn’t support. Beginning to see adults like Father Sean as real, emotional humans indicates that Xiomara is coming of age, as she’s beginning to expand her thoughts to include others’ perspectives.
Themes
What Twin Knows. Xiomara interrupts Twin’s furious texting and asks if he knew that Father Sean’s mom died. He looks confused and says that she died three years ago. Xiomara wonders how she missed Father Sean’s absence and wonders how long she’s been checked out of church. She asks Twin who he’s texting. Twin fixes Xiomara with a stare and says that they’re both messing around and Mami and Papi will kill them if they find out. They don’t need to talk about it. Xiomara doesn’t know whether to agree. She knows that their parents’ expectations for her are different than Twin’s and that they’d be thrilled if he brought a girl home. However, she’s not sure how they’d react if he brought home someone who isn’t a girl.
Xiomara recognizes that it’s possible that Twin is in even more danger from Mami and Papi than she is, given his sexual orientation. Knowing this makes everything even more anxiety-provoking for Xiomara, as she’s forced to wonder how she’s going to protect Twin this time—or if she’s even going to be able to protect him from this. This illustrates how Mami and Papi’s expectations put both of their children in danger, as Twin is certainly not going to ask his parents for help if he does experience bigotry or violence and Xiomara could also get hurt defending him.
Themes
Black & Blue. Xiomara wonders what kind of a twin she is to not notice when Twin comes home with a black eye. She finds out when Mami yells at Twin, asking who hit him. Xiomara inspects his eye and says nothing. Twin insists it was just a misunderstanding, but he silently pleads with Xiomara. Xiomara says that someone “misunderstood [his] face for a punching bag.” Mami looks between her children, but seems to know it’s a twin thing.
That Twin is silently pleading with Xiomara suggests that he got his black eye because of his sexual orientation, but Twin isn’t ready to let Mami know about this yet. Because Xiomara and Twin can communicate like this without speaking, it gives them the freedom to make these silent pacts and in doing so, keep each other safe from Mami at the very least.
Themes
Tight. Xiomara is angry with Twin for not telling her that someone at school was bothering him. She’s silent on Friday and on Saturday morning. She wants to go to the party and see Aman, and thinks that the boys in her life will inevitably drive her crazy.
Xiomara’s silence is a way of punishing Twin, especially now that Xiomara is starting to find her voice and would probably love to use it to connect better with Twin.
Themes
Saturday, October 27. Excuses. Xiomara asks Caridad if she’d be upset if Xiomara didn’t join them at the movies. She says that it’s about the boy and she’ll be home on time. Caridad asks if Aman is pressuring Xiomara, but Xiomara insists he isn’t. Caridad tells Xiomara to be safe and asks if Twin is coming. Xiomara says that Twin has a lot going on and to not ask about his black eye. She insists that she didn’t hit him, but she’s ready to hit the guy who did. Caridad tells Xiomara to not get pregnant.
Even though Caridad is joking, telling Xiomara to not get pregnant suggests that Caridad is functioning in the same kind of mindset that Xiomara was at the beginning of the novel, thinking that any romantic contact will inevitably lead to sex and pregnancy. This speaks to the power and insidiousness of their community’s beliefs about how relationships between men and women work.
Themes
Costume Ready. Xiomara leaves with Twin, ostensibly to go to the movies, but he goes to Caridad’s house and Xiomara goes in the other direction. At a Starbucks near the party, Xiomara puts on eye shadow. She’s wearing a too-tight Green Lantern tee and congratulates herself on her poor costume.
The tight t-shirt suggests that Xiomara, though still self-conscious, is beginning to enjoy her own body to some extent and to own her appearance rather than wishing to disappear.
Themes
Reuben’s House Party. Xiomara knows she’s too early. She knows a few people, but they’re all part of the party crowd. Someone gives her a drink, but she puts it down and ignores boys watching her. Finally, Aman shows up and grabs Xiomara’s hand. He offers her a drink and Xiomara takes in his outfit. He’s painted green and has stuffed his shoulders, trying to make his small frame look like the Hulk. Xiomara laughs. Aman says they were meant to be since they both chose green superheroes, and he asks her to dance.
When Xiomara laughs at Aman’s attempts to bulk up, it suggests that on some level, she knows it’s fruitless to try to change her body too much—trying to make herself small is likely just as ineffective as Aman’s attempt to make himself bigger. In this way, her relationship with Aman begins to teach Xiomara to accept her body as it is.
Themes
One Dance. Xiomara’s heart beats fast. This isn’t something with coordinated steps; this is a close slow dance. She presses against Aman and they sway. He puts his leg between Xiomara’s and Xiomara thinks that they’re dancing like people do in music videos—like if they weren’t clothed, they’d be having sex. A reggae song comes on and Aman grinds against Xiomara. It feels good, but Xiomara pushes away.
Notice that while Xiomara ultimately decides that she’s uncomfortable with dancing like this, Aman doesn’t even try to force her to keep dancing. His respect for her boundaries teaches Xiomara that she can say no without fear of rejection or violence.
Themes
Stoop-Sitting...With Aman. The neighborhood is on fire. Costumed people laugh and sing. Aman holds Xiomara’s hand, but Xiomara is afraid to look at him. He mentions that he doesn’t live far away. Xiomara asks if Aman’s dad is home, but Aman says his dad works nights. Xiomara’s fingers shake. She pulls away and is glad she’s telling the truth when she says that she doesn’t feel well and needs to leave. Aman asks for one more poem and pulls Xiomara back down.
By asking for a poem, Aman effectively tells Xiomara that he values her thoughts and her mind more than he does her body—something that’s empowering for Xiomara to hear, since she fears that her body is the only thing that anyone in her life seems to care about in some way or another.
Themes
Convos with Caridad. Xiomara texts Caridad that she’s on her way home. She thanks Caridad for lying and when Caridad asks if this was worth it, Xiomara says she has a lot of feelings. She says that it’s impossible to be happy while breaking rules—something has to go wrong. Caridad suggests that Xiomara could just not break rules, but Xiomara promises to send snarky texts once Caridad has a boyfriend herself.
Xiomara’s unwillingness to really tell Caridad about her night could come from the fact that she doesn’t have the vocabulary to even describe an experience that was both wonderful and a little scary, especially when it has to do with being intimate with a boy.
Themes
Sunday, October 28. Braiding. Xiomara thinks about Aman all through Mass, even though she knows Mami will lecture her later. Fortunately, Caridad catches them after church and asks if Xiomara can come over and braid her hair. Mami allows Xiomara to go. Xiomara combs Caridad’s hair and thinks that she learned to braid when Mami didn’t have time to do her hair. She offers to do two long braids so Caridad can look like Cardi B for Halloween. Xiomara explains that she adores Cardi B, but Cardi and Caridad are complete opposites. Caridad turns on the TV and they watch in silence. Xiomara wonders if friends just have to help each other be their best and give each other a place to be when they don’t want to be at home. She thinks Caridad would agree.
Caridad is certainly doing what Xiomara suggests is the mark of a true friend—Xiomara doesn’t want to be at home where she knows Mami will berate her, so Caridad is offering her a safe space to indulge in her love of Cardi B and spend time with a friend. Giving Xiomara this space is one of the best ways that Caridad shows Xiomara she cares—and importantly, they don’t have to speak to understand this. This again suggests that as people become close, they don’t need to actually speak as much and can instead develop a silent language.
Themes
Monday, October 29. Fights. Xiomara heads downtown to Twin’s school. She ignores Aman’s questions and prepares herself for a fight. She spots Twin walking with a tall red-headed boy. The boy brushes Twin’s sweater in the same way that Aman touches Xiomara. Suddenly, Twin jerks around and sees Xiomara. He leaps away from the boy and Xiomara sees confirmation of what she’s always known. Twin asks what Xiomara is doing here. She doesn’t have to explain that she came to beat up the guy who hit Twin, but he says that he doesn’t need her help. Her heart seems to deflate as she looks at the other boy, who looks at Twin with love. Twin tells Xiomara to leave it alone, but Xiomara thinks he’s telling her to leave him alone.
Again, because of Xiomara and Twin’s relatively close relationship, she understands what he’s really saying when he asks her to leave it alone. Being outed like this is, importantly, likely very upsetting and scary for Twin—keep in mind that while Xiomara has suspected that Twin is gay, this is the first time she has proof, and there’s no indication of whether or not Twin even trusts Xiomara to react well to his sexuality. Xiomara’s job then is to make Twin feel safer going forward and to make it clear that he can trust her.
Themes
Scrapping. Xiomara says she’s not stupid—she knows that she’s not always going to be bigger and meaner than boys her age. At some point, they’ll be stronger. She knows she can’t defend Twin forever, but she always thought that she’d stop defending him because he’d learn to fight for himself, not get a new protector.
Though Xiomara’s thoughts on Twin are understandable, it’s also worth keeping in mind that as a gay man, standing up for himself is much more fraught than it might otherwise be. Not realizing this suggests that Xiomara still has a ways to go as she matures.
Themes
What We Don’t Say. On the train home, Twin plays chess on his phone and ignores Xiomara. Xiomara tells him that she knows he’s probably felt this way forever, but Mami and Papi will kill him if they find out about this boy. Twin says the boy’s name is Cody and he already knows what Mami, Papi, and Xiomara will say. Xiomara thinks that she’s not sure what to say. She’s always wanted to keep Twin safe, but this makes him a target and she can’t protect him from everything.
Xiomara recognizes that sexuality—whether hers or Twin’s—is one of the few things that they can’t fully protect from their parents, as both of them are defying their parents’ teachings by indulging in sexual thoughts or actions at all. This creates even more shame and silence, which makes Xiomara and Twin even more vulnerable; their shame keeps them from even relying on each other.
Themes
Gay. Xiomara admits that she’s always known without knowing that Twin is gay. She thinks that they’re both scared, since Twin is Mami’s miracle and now he’ll be her sin. Xiomara thinks that she hoped that if she never knew for sure, maybe he wasn’t actually gay. Now, she wonders if not talking made Twin feel more alone and that maybe being silent was actually condoning the nasty things that people think and say. Regardless, Xiomara doesn’t know how to move forward.
Wondering if remaining silent about Twin’s sexuality made things worse is an important moment for Xiomara, as it expresses an understanding that she can’t just go with the flow and say nothing. In order to make Twin feel safe, she has to actively stand up for his right (and that of other gay people) to exist safely in the world.
Themes
Feeling Off When Twin Is Mad. Xiomara feels a little upset that she and Twin are fighting. When he’s mad, it throws her off. She can think only of his anger and is afraid that she’ll make it worse, even though she doesn’t know what she did wrong. She wonders why he thought she wouldn’t show up. Not even Aman’s smiley faces and rap videos make her feel better.
Wondering why Twin didn’t expect her to show up suggests that Twin might not think that he and Xiomara have a close relationship anymore, while Xiomara’s expectations don’t match that. This mismatch and lack of communication leave room for even more misunderstandings.
Themes
Rough Draft of Assignment 3—Describe someone you consider misunderstood by society. Xiomara writes that Mami used to be her hero. Mami didn’t let not speaking English stop her from defending herself or getting Twin into a good school. Mami has never asked Papi for money or complained about her job, and she prays every night. Once Xiomara grew breasts, Mami’s attitude changed. It started to seem like she wanted to turn Xiomara into the nun that she didn’t get to be.
Here, Xiomara seems aware that she’s having to pay for all the things that Mami never got to do. This shows again how abusive practices and actions are passed down through generations without question, thereby harming future generations—even as the older generation understands that this cycle creates pain.
Themes
Final Draft of Assignment 3 (What I Actually Turn In). Xiomara writes that she’s always admired Nicki Minaj. She thinks that the person Minaj is in her videos is different from who she is in real life, since her lyrics might be overly sexual but she tweets people to stay in school. Xiomara says that she thinks people view Minaj’s music more negatively by insisting that men dictate how she raps. She thinks that Minaj’s music is very positive about physical beauty, and she’s not ashamed of her body or of sex. Minaj is also very talented and is a great rapper, not just a great female rapper. For girls who don’t fit the mold, Minaj is extremely relatable.
Here, Xiomara shows that she understands how words—or song lyrics—can be twisted to change people’s perception of a person, given that she thinks that Minaj’s music doesn’t necessarily translate simply to who Minaj is in real life. Stating that Minaj should be heralded as a great rapper rather than a great female rapper also shows Xiomara’s wish to change the way people talk about gender differences and change the default to not just be men.
Themes
Wednesday, November 7. Announcements. Ms. Galiano invites Chris, a student from poetry club, to talk about the club to her class. Chris recites a short poem and Ms. Galiano looks proud. Then, Chris hands out flyers for the citywide slam on February eighth. It’s open to the public and Ms. Galiano encourages everyone to come. Xiomara blushes. She thinks she should compete.
Thinking that she should compete at the poetry slam represents a major turning point for Xiomara, as it suggests that at least in her own private monologue, she’s at the point of being willing to share her poetry with others—thereby opening up an avenue to form connections and build community.
Themes
Ice-Skating. Xiomara says that when they was little, Mami used to take her and Twin skating every year for their birthday on January eighth. Mami always made sure to get the day off and even though neither Twin nor Xiomara is coordinated, they were both good at skating. Mami always watched from the sidelines. One day, they stopped going and Xiomara forgot what it felt like to skate and laugh with her brother.
In the poems like these where Xiomara talks about the past and how things have changed, she creates the sense that her childhood was, in many ways, an idyllic time when things were much easier, especially with Mami. This suggests that it’s possible that Mami is simply uncomfortable having teen children with more thoughts of their own—especially when those thoughts threaten or contradict hers.
Themes
Until; Love. Xiomara says that she forgot about skating until one day, Aman asks her to go skating. He suggests they go tomorrow, since there’s no school. Mami will be at work. Xiomara remembers feeling free on the ice and wants Aman to see her feel that way. Aman loves winter sports. He explains that he loved watching the Winter Olympics in Trinidad and fell in love with snow. Xiomara sees that winter sports are for Aman like poetry is for her. Aman tells Xiomara to get ready to fall in love and Xiomara agrees to the date.
Revealing that he loves winter sports is a way for Aman to seem even more real and complex Xiomara, which in turn helps their relationship deepen. When she understands that it’s similar to her love of poetry, it suggests that she’s already aware that winter sports are forbidden for Aman like poetry in many ways is for her. In this sense, Aman is confined by others’ beliefs just like Xiomara is.
Themes
Thursday, November 8. Around and Around We Go. Xiomara invites Twin to come, but he pretends to sleep. He’s still upset that Xiomara came to his school. At the rink, Xiomara puts on skates and follows Aman to the ice. She steps out and skates backwards, beckoning to him. Xiomara blushes that she made the first move, but Aman steps out and follows. They skate together for a minute and then Aman takes off doing tricks. Xiomara watches him and when he’s done, asks how he learned. He says that he practiced on his own because his dad refused to put him in classes, insisting that skating was “too soft.” Xiomara feels sad and thinks that they could be lots of things if people didn’t say that their bodies weren’t built right.
Now, Xiomara begins to see that fixating on a person’s body, no matter who that person is, can’t come to any good—Aman wasn’t allowed to follow his dream because his dad didn’t think it was appropriate for a boy. With this, Xiomara gains more evidence that she should reject other people’s judgments about her body, as it can and will do what she wants it to do, from skating to performing poetry.
Themes
After Skating; This Body on Fire. At the train, Aman pulls Xiomara close and kisses her. They never kiss publicly, but Xiomara wants to kiss. She knows that someone she knows might see her, but she lets Aman make her forget everything. Xiomara knows that everyone is probably staring at them, but she doesn’t care. She wants the kiss and thinks it’s beautiful and real. Xiomara reasons that maybe she and Aman are doing everyone a favor by reminding them of first love. As she walks home from the train, Xiomara thinks that Aman has turned her into a junkie begging for her next hit.
When Xiomara suggests that she’s doing people a favor by reminding them of love, it indicates that at least in the moment, she doesn’t see what she’s doing as a bad thing at all. Instead, it’s something symbolic of love and innocence that can actually help others. She’s able to get to this point in part because of the positive way she’s thinking about her body, which suggests that as she becomes more comfortable with herself, she’ll also begin to throw off Mami’s teachings more generally.
Themes
The Shit & the Fan. Xiomara hears Mami yelling from outside the front door. Mami shouldn’t be home yet, even if Xiomara did miss her stop because she didn’t want to stop kissing. She hears Mami shouting at Papi that she saw Xiomara making out with a dirty boy. Xiomara realizes that Mami’s eyes were a fan, and Xiomara and Aman’s kiss was like shit hitting it. Xiomara lets herself into her room, shuts the door, and sits down with her head between her legs. Twin arrives. He crouches next to Xiomara and Xiomara tries to make herself as small as possible.
Xiomara’s revelations about the power of celebrating her body and doing with it what she wants aren’t enough to overpower Mami’s anger and the violence that Xiomara knows is coming. This indicates that because Xiomara is still a teen under her parents’ roof, she’s extra vulnerable and can’t always easily stand up for herself and what she knows is right.
Themes
Miracles. Xiomara doesn’t scream when Papi calls her a cuero. She doesn’t tell him that people whisper about all the women who made him a cuero, but tells the reader that men are never cueros. Xiomara prays for a miracle and hopes that this is a bad dream. Mami speaks horribly about the kiss and Papi uses the same bad names that kids have flung at Xiomara since she hit puberty. She begs God to listen.
Again, even though Xiomara is well aware of the hypocrisy of Papi calling her a cuero, knowing intellectually that she did nothing wrong doesn’t change the fact that she doesn’t feel like she can stand up to her parents and advocate for herself.
Themes
Fear. Twin asks Xiomara what she did. Xiomara doesn’t look at him since she knows it’ll make them both cry, and if Twin cries, Papi will yell at him. Xiomara wants to lash out at the fear in Twin’s voice. He suggests that she sneak out through the fire escape, but they hear Mami coming. Twin stands and balls his hands into fists, but Xiomara knows he’ll never use them. Xiomara tells him that she didn’t do anything wrong and sends him back to his homework.
Feeling as though she also has to protect Twin makes the situation even worse for Xiomara, especially since she seems to accept that there’s nothing she or they can do to protect her from Mami. Telling Twin that she did nothing wrong, however, shows that Xiomara is still becoming more confident in her voice.
Themes
Ants. Mami drags Xiomara to her alter of the Virgin Mary. She pushes Xiomara down and commands her to ask for forgiveness. Xiomara bows her head and studies the tiles. She tries to make herself as small as an ant, even if she knows it’s impossible. As Mami tells Xiomara to look at Mary, Xiomara thinks of how ants can hold ten times their weight, crawl through crevices, have no God, and will survive the apocalypse.
As Xiomara sees it, ants can survive anything—even abuse from Mami and scorn from God. In this abusive situation, Xiomara is taught again that religion is something designed to punish her and keep her in line. This makes it even clearer to her that she doesn’t want to be a part of the church.
Themes
I Am No Ant; Diplomas. Mami yanks Xiomara up by her hair and shoves her face close to Mary’s. Xiomara thinks she’s not an ant. She’s torn and broken where Mami holds her. Mami spits that Xiomara just wants to go to college so she can have sex with any boy who smiles at her. She says that Xiomara will get pregnant and never get a degree. Mami calls Xiomara a cuero.
Feeling broken where Mami has ahold of her suggests that the most damaging thing in Xiomara’s life is her abusive home life. Mami’s expectations of Xiomara make it okay (in Mami’s eyes) to use the word cuero to describe her daughter, something that’s extremely hurtful.
Themes
Cuero. Xiomara says that cuero is the Dominican word for whore. Cueros are regular girls, but with long hair, piercings, and no rings on their left hands. They wear revealing clothing and know that they’re hot. They’re sassy. They’re also plain and forgotten, and they don’t have cleavage. Xiomara thinks that she is a cuero and she hopes it’s true. She thinks that she’ll be anything that allows her to make sense of her panic and her pain. A cuero can fly and disappear.
Notice that according to Xiomara here, a cuero can be any girl, whether that girl looks sexy and desirable or whether she’s plain. Being a cuero, however, offers Xiomara an out, as she hopes that accepting the label will mean that she can use it to escape—if she’s not going to be a good girl, she may have more freedom.
Themes
Mami Says. Mami tells Xiomara that men’s hands are never clean. Even if they smell like soap, there are still sins in their hands. Mami says that men’s hands were made to scratch dirt. She tells Xiomara to make her heart steely to protect herself. If she dreams of men touching her tenderly, she should remember that Adam was made from dirty clay and that Eve was tempted easily.
It’s possible that Mami is using the story of Genesis to explain her own poor experiences with men, which shows that someone can warp anything to make it fit their worldview—and in this case, then go on to tell Xiomara that she has to think the same way, thereby harming the next generation.
Themes
Repetition. Mami’s firm grip makes Xiomara nauseous and dizzy. Mami prays while Xiomara feels the rice that she kneels on biting into her knees. The statue of Mary, and the rest of the house, watches as Xiomara pays the price.
Notice that Xiomara isn’t praying—she’s focusing on the pain. Again, this makes it clear that religion isn’t something positive for her. It’s damaging and painful.
Themes
Things You Think While You’re Kneeling on Rice That Have Nothing to Do with Repentance. Xiomara remembers watching Papi peel an orange without lifting his knife. The peel curled away and he dropped it before giving the fruit to Mami to eat.
Because Xiomara is in so much pain, she fixates on anything that might make it better—such as a memory of Papi being kind to Mami, but possibly in a way that Xiomara has never experienced firsthand.
Themes
Another Thing You Think While You’re Kneeling on Rice That Has Nothing to Do with Repentance. Xiomara thinks that Mami has always had rough, calloused hands. She used to rub Mami’s calluses while they walked and Mami would say that Xiomara was her reward for hard work and patience. Xiomara loved being the reward, but she’s not sure when she got too big for the pedestal.
Xiomara makes it very clear that becoming too big for the pedestal has everything to do with reaching puberty and sexual maturity. Her sexuality was something that Mami didn’t have to control when Xiomara was a little girl but now, it’s essential in Mami’s eyes to shame Xiomara for experiencing sexual thoughts.
Themes
The Last Thing You Think While You’re Kneeling on Rice That Has Nothing to Do with Repentance. Xiomara thinks of the grain indents on her knees, and how lucky it is that she’s wearing jeans. She thinks that kneeling on pews was never this bad. She thinks of Papi and Twin not saying anything. Her fists are clenched and pain shoots up her thighs. It hurts less if she sits very still, but the thoughts are still pointless. She thinks that kissing shouldn’t hurt so much.
It’s possible that Mami was, at some point, forced to kneel on rice as well. This would show again that Mami is simply replicating what she experienced as a young woman, and she knows exactly how this is making Xiomara feel—but because she’s now the one in power, she nonetheless carries out the vicious cycle.
Themes
Leaving. Twin puts frozen bags of veggies on Xiomara’s knees and cheek. He notes that Mami didn’t make her kneel very long and Xiomara knows it’s true. Twin pleads with Xiomara to be good until they can go to college and get out. She’s never heard him sound desperate and didn’t know that he also wants to leave. Xiomara tries not to resent that he’s a grade ahead and will get out faster. She elbows him away and feels afraid that she wants to hurt everything.
Despite Xiomara’s emotional turmoil and physical pain, it’s telling that this is a learning experience for her when she discovers that Twin also wants to escape. This turns Twin into a more sympathetic person in Xiomara’s mind, as it suggests that they’re more alike than Xiomara initially thought. Still, wanting to hurt him shows that even now, Xiomara is at risk of perpetuating the cycle of violence.
Themes
What Do You Need from Me?; Consequences. Caridad texts Twin later and asks him to show the message to Xiomara. Xiomara looks at it and hands back the phone. She knows they’re worried, but what she needs is to curl into a ball and cry. Mami takes away Xiomara’s phone, lunch money, and freedom. She also has to attend confession with Father Sean.
Requiring that Xiomara attend confession with Father Sean shows that Mami wants to make it very clear that she’s not the one punishing Xiomara; rather, the church is. With this, Mami tries to make Xiomara feel even more isolated and in the wrong.
Themes
Late That Night. Xiomara only wants to talk to Aman. Twin offers to let her use his phone, but Xiomara isn’t sure what she’d even say. Her heart hurts more than her knees, and she thinks they can’t be together anymore. She wonders if she’d let Mami beat her again to be with him. She wants to be held.
Wondering about her own resolve shows that Xiomara isn’t quite ready to break away from Mami entirely, which suggests that there’s more violence and pain to come before Xiomara truly finds herself.
Themes
Friday, November 9. In Front of My Locker. Xiomara barely notices a group of guys circling until one squeezes her buttocks. The boys laugh and start to walk away. Xiomara notices Aman and thinks that he’ll stand up for her. She feels too beaten to do it herself. He must know that it bothers her, but he doesn’t move. Suddenly, Xiomara is angry. She feels her bruises and thinks that this is Aman’s fault and now, nobody will take care of her. Xiomara turns to the guy who groped her, shoves him, and threatens to hurt him. As she walks away, she tells Aman that the same goes for him.
While it’s entirely understandable why Xiomara is upset with Aman—he, and others in the hallway, should stand up for Xiomara and girls like her—lashing out at him represents a step backward for Xiomara. She’s relying on her strength and her body to defend herself, rather than using her voice to express her hurt. Feeling so alone also means that Xiomara is less likely to get the help or support she needs to heal emotionally.
Themes
