Xiomara’s family is extremely religious, and she grew up spending much of her free time at her local Catholic church. As Xiomara grows and begins to come of age, however, religion starts to look far less meaningful and fun. Instead, Xiomara recognizes that the ideas that Father Sean preaches about are meant to keep her, as a young woman, in line—and in many cases, discourage her from ever voicing the doubts that she has about God and Christianity in general. Importantly, The Poet X doesn’t try to make the case that religion is unequivocally bad or oppressive, even though it often seems that way to Xiomara. Instead, the novel proposes that part of a young person’s coming-of-age journey should necessarily include asking questions about the belief systems that they were raised with, and ultimately figuring out how to combine those teachings with their own personal beliefs.
Throughout her life, Xiomara has been told that she’s a very special gift from God. Mami never wanted to marry and instead wanted to become a nun, but she had to marry Papi in order to move to the United States. It took years for them to conceive, during which time Mami saw herself as a failure. Being finally blessed with twins is, in Mami’s eyes, proof of her own success and of God’s goodness—though for Xiomara, it feels like she has to constantly strive to earn her right to exist and live up to being a blessing. Part of the reason that Xiomara feels she has to work so hard is because she is acutely aware of how, according to Catholic teachings, her worth comes from her continued devotion and from keeping her sexuality under tight control. Xiomara doesn’t feel that either of these practices are easy to maintain, given that she experiences sexual thoughts and desires that people tell her go against what it means to be a good Catholic. Because of this conflict, Xiomara has very real doubts about God and the role that she’d like religion to play in her life. For much of the novel, Xiomara sees religion as something designed to turn her into someone she doesn’t want to be, all while oppressing the parts of her that she’s interested in exploring. This includes her love of poetry (the school club for which meets on Tuesday afternoons at the same time as confirmation class) and her sexuality.
What’s more, Xiomara is often not given a choice in whether or not to participate in religious activities—and her participation means that she is further expected to accept what others tell her without asking questions. Then, when Xiomara does ask questions about religion or otherwise rebels, Mami forces Xiomara to, for example, kneel on rice and pray. Devotion tends to be a punishment for Xiomara, not something that she is happy to be a part of or that helps her make sense of her questions.
This finally begins to change when, after Xiomara asks a series of questions about Genesis, original sin, and Eve, and then gets caught kissing Aman, Mami forces Xiomara to attend confession with Father Sean. Rather than going along with Mami’s punishments or answering Xiomara’s questions, Father Sean suggests to Mami that Xiomara put off confirmation. While not entirely a win for Xiomara, who would like to leave religion behind completely at this point, this turn of events does suggest that Father Sean is far more open to his congregation questioning their relationships with God than Xiomara gave him credit for. In other words, at least in Father Sean’s eyes, religions devotion shouldn’t be as unthinking or as closely tied to punishment as Mami might want it to be for Xiomara. By giving Xiomara the space to ask questions and especially by not requiring her to be confirmed as Mami wants her to be, Father Sean encourages Xiomara to come to religion on her own terms. Importantly, as Father Sean engages with Xiomara in this way and stands up for her autonomy, he also situates himself as a trustworthy and nonjudgmental person to help her answer some of her questions. Later, he even helps her talk to Mami about how to handle the different ways in which she and Xiomara see religion.
Father Sean teaches Xiomara the importance of thinking critically about religion and, most importantly, models for Xiomara and Mami how a person’s questions about faith don’t mean that their relationships with other faithful people have to suffer as a consequence. In fact, his counseling sessions with Xiomara and Mami help Mami to come to terms with the daughter she has, not the idealized daughter she wants. In short, Father Sean makes the case to everyone that confirmation and other formal religious rites of passage aren’t actually good markers of a mature adult or a devoted person. Rather, maturity comes when a person is able to think critically about God and religious teachings, and then go on to choose to be faithful in a way that feels authentic and meaningful for them.
Religion and Coming of Age ThemeTracker
Religion and Coming of Age Quotes in The Poet X
The other girls call me conceited. Ho. Thot. Fast.
When your body takes up more room than your voice
you are always the target of well-aimed rumors,
which is why I let my knuckles talk for me.
Which is why I learned to shrug when my name was replaced
by insults.
I look at her scarred knuckles.
I know exactly how she was taught
faith.
Their gazes and words
are heavy with all the things
they want you to be.
It is ungrateful to feel like a burden.
It is ungrateful to resent my own birth.
I know that Twin and I are miracles.
Aren’t we reminded every single day?
And I get all this attention from guys
but it’s like a sancocho of emotions.
This stew of mixed-up ingredients:
partly flattered they think I’m attractive,
partly scared they’re only interested in my ass and boobs,
and a good measure of Mami-will-kill-me fear sprinkled on top.
What if I like a boy too much
and none of those things happen...
they’re the only scales I have.
How does a girl like me figure out the weight
of what it means to love a boy?
what’s the point of God giving me life
if I can’t live it as my own?
Why does listening to his commandments
mean I need to shut down my own voice?
“And about this apple,
how come God didn’t explain
why they couldn’t eat it?
He gave Eve curiosity
but didn’t expect her to use it?
Unless the apple is a metaphor?
Is the whole Bible a poem?
What’s not a metaphor?
Did any of it actually happen?
And I knew then what I’d known since my period came:
my body was trouble. I had to pray the trouble out
of the body God gave me. My body was a problem.
And I didn’t want any of these boys to be the ones to solve it.
I wanted to forget I had this body at all.
But even business deals are promises.
And we still married in a church.
And so I never walked away from him
although I tried my best to get back
to my first love.
And confirmation is the last step I can give you.
I lay it across my wrist
and cinch the clasps closed.
Her daughter on one side,
myself on the other.
I have no more poems. My mind blanks.
A roar tears from my mouth.
“Burn it! Burn it.
This is where the poems are,” I say,
thumping a fist against my chest.
“Will you burn me? Will you burn me, too?
You would burn me, wouldn’t you, if you could?”
She puts a soft hand on my arm
and I look into the face of a woman
not much older than me,
a woman with a Spanish last name,
who loves books and poetry,
who I notice for the first time is pretty,
who has a soft voice and called my house
because she was worried
and the words are out before I know it:
And so, I love this quote because even though it’s not about poetry, it IS about poetry. It’s about any of the words that bring us together and how we can form a home in them.