Family, Abuse, and Expectations Theme Analysis

Xiomara’s home life is wildly dysfunctional and, at times, extremely abusive—if Xiomara in particular doesn’t follow Mami’s rules to the letter, Mami hits her. Papi is around but, according to Xiomara, barely has a presence in their home. Meanwhile, both Xiomara and Twin feel compelled to hide their unhappiness in their repressive household. All of this stems from familial and cultural expectations that, for at least two generations, have made life difficult for everyone. In this way, The Poet X critiques parents’ unfair or inappropriate expectations of their children and illustrates how, if those expectations go unchallenged, they create situations ripe for violence and unhappiness.

Though Xiomara knows that her sense of being repressed has a lot to do with Catholicism and Dominican culture more broadly, she understands that she’s also being forced to atone for or remedy repressive situations from Mami’s past specifically. As a young woman in the Dominican Republic, Mami wanted to be a nun and dedicate her life to Jesus. However, Mami’s parents refused to allow her to take this path, and instead forced her to marry Papi so that she could move legally to the United States. Per Mami’s religious beliefs, Papi caused her to compromise her relationship with Jesus, but it’s also impossible per Catholic teachings for Mami to divorce Papi and recommit herself to a religious life. Because Mami was denied the opportunity to fully commit herself to the religious life, Mami makes it a priority for Xiomara to follow in her footsteps to the furthest extent possible. In other words, Xiomara doesn’t have a choice of whether or not she’d like to go to church; she has to go because Mami wants to see Xiomara achieve a life of devotion that she herself never did.

However, Xiomara doesn’t want to live the religious life her mother never got to live—Xiomara has far too many questions about God to be ready to commit herself to even confirmation, which often makes Xiomara the target of Mami’s verbal wrath or physical violence. In this way, The Poet X shows clearly how enforcing expectations violently is something that people learn and ultimately pass on to future generations—even if previous generations recognize the pain this causes, as Mami understands that her parents’ expectations for her meant that she didn’t get to live the life she wanted.

While Xiomara is well aware of the disconnect between what she wants for herself and what Mami wants for her, it’s shocking for her to discover that Twin—who, as far as Xiomara can tell, is perfect in that he’s extremely smart, devout, and male—also struggles to deal with the expectations placed on him. Like Xiomara, Twin looks forward to going to college so that he can escape their household. Though in many respects Twin has it better than Xiomara does simply by virtue of being male, the fact that he’s also counting down the days until he can leave makes it even clearer that the violence and dysfunction Xiomara experiences isn’t an isolated case—even someone like Twin, who appears to be following all the rules, still feels stifled. Twin feels this way in part because he hates seeing Mami abuse Xiomara, but his concerns are also unique to his situation: he’s gay and not out to his parents—or, for much of the novel, even to Xiomara. While Xiomara includes none of Twin’s feelings on the matter, she does explain to the reader that being male, Twin has different responsibilities according to Mami, and some of those responsibilities and expectations are tied to being attracted to girls, not boys.

Both Xiomara and Twin’s reactions and choices regarding how they deal with Mami’s expectations suggest that in addition to being violent and oppressive, it’s also ultimately futile for parents to cling as tightly to their ideas about who their children should be as Mami does. Importantly, both Xiomara and Twin pursue what they know they want, even though they also know very well that Mami would lash out violently were she to know that they were defying her. Xiomara still writes poetry that she knows would anger Mami and spends time with Aman, while Twin has a secret relationship with a boy named Cody. For them, family means secrecy more than anything else, and their home isn’t a safe space to be the people they truly are or want to be.

Mami’s transformation at the end of the novel to become more understanding of Xiomara is an arguably far-fetched outcome—abusers generally don’t stop abusing their victims or reevaluate their harmful ideas overnight. Nevertheless, it portrays a far healthier dynamic, and one that the novel suggests is worth striving for. By reevaluating her expectations of Xiomara, Mami is able to be happier herself and support Xiomara as well, and these more flexible expectations give Xiomara room to continue her process of self-discovery without fear of violent consequences.