Aza is intensely disturbed by the "self" that she is right now, which only increases her fear that she possesses multiple identities. She's aware that what she's experiencing isn't normal, and when her lived experience doesn't match up with the story in her head, it's understandably off-putting for her. Aza has already hinted at what the fix might be for her spirals: following them
inward makes her more anxious, but she hasn't tried following the spirals
outward.