H is for Hawk

by

Helen Macdonald

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Terence Hanbury (Tim) White was a British author and self-taught falconer whose writings both inspire and haunt Helen Macdonald during the year she acquires and trains Mabel. Born in 1906 in India to very unhappily married parents, White suffered emotional trauma and abuse at the hands of both his parents, followed by more physical and possibly sexual abuse at the hands of at least one teacher when he was sent to boarding school. He also underwent hazing by older boys. White eventually completed his education with a degree from Cambridge University, after which he became a teacher himself. His hobbies included horseback riding, hunting, fishing, and flying airplanes. Following several years of teaching, he turned to writing full time. He rented a rustic cottage and began to train his own goshawk, Gos, which he chronicled in The Goshawk. White is perhaps best known for his epic series of fantasy novels based on medieval stories about King Arthur, collectively called The Once and Future King. White was a gay man and sexual sadist at a time when neither were socially acceptable; amid Macdonald’s own sense of loneliness and grief, she reflects extensively on the loneliness and isolation White’s sexuality caused him during his life.

T. H. White Quotes in H is for Hawk

The H is for Hawk quotes below are all either spoken by T. H. White or refer to T. H. White . For each quote, you can also see the other characters and themes related to it (each theme is indicated by its own dot and icon, like this one:
Living with the Wild  Theme Icon
).
Chapter 4: Mr White Quotes

And back in India, right at the beginning, where he remembered lizards and fireworks and candlelit darknesses and grown-ups in evening dress, he remembered also the terror of beatings, and arguments, and his mother’s hatred of his father, and his father’s hatred of her, and his drinking, and the endless, awful, violent war between them in which he was the pawn. His mother lavished attention on her dogs and her husband had them shot. She lavished attention on the boy and the boy was convinced he’d be next. ‘I am told,’ he wrote, ‘that my father and mother were to be found wrestling with a pistol, one on either side of my cot, each claiming that he or she was going to shoot the other and himself or herself, but in any case beginning with me.’ And then: ‘It was not a safe kind of childhood.’

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Gos, Father
Page Number: 37
Explanation and Analysis:

Feral. He wanted to be free. He wanted to be ferocious. He wanted to be fey, a fairy, ferox. All those elements of himself he’d pushed away, his sexuality, his desire for cruelty, for mastery: all these were suddenly there in the figure of the hawk. White had found himself in the hawk that Blaine had lost. He clutched it tightly. It might hurt him, but he wouldn’t let go. He would train it. Yes. He would teach the hawk, and he would teach himself, and he would write a book about it and teach his readers this doomed and ancient art. […] He’d train his hawk in the ruins of his former life. And then when the war came, […] White would fly his goshawk, eat the pheasants it caught, a survivor, […] far from the bitter, sexual confusion of the metropolis or the small wars of the schoolroom.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White
Page Number: 45
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 5: Holding Tight Quotes

It’s a sad picture. It reminds me of a paper by the psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott, the one about a child obsessed with string; a boy who tied together chairs and tables, tied cushions to the fireplace, even, worryingly, tied string around his sister’s neck. Winnicott saw this behaviour as a way of dealing with fears of abandonment by the boy’s mother, who’d suffered bouts of depression. For the boy, the string was a kind of wordless communication, a symbolic means of joining. It was a denial of separation. Holding tight. Perhaps those jesses might have been unspoken attempts to hold onto something that had already flown away. […] I had a twin brother. He didn’t [survive …] When I found out about my twin many years later, the news was surprising. But not so surprising. I’d always felt a part of me was missing […]

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , The Breeder
Related Symbols: Tethers
Page Number: 49
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 8: The Rembrandt Interior Quotes

It was the Tragedy paper that led me to read Freud, because he was still fashionable back then, and because psychoanalysts had their shot at explaining tragedy too. And after reading him I began to see all sorts of psychological transferences in my falconry books. I saw those nineteenth-century falconers were projecting onto their hawks all the male qualities they thought threatened by modern life: wildness, power, virility, independence, and strength. By identifying with their hawks as they trained them, they could introject, or repossess, those qualities. At the same time, they could exercise their power by ‘civilising’ a wild and primitive creature. Masculinity and conquest: two imperial myths for the price of one. The Victorian falconer assumed the power and strength of the hawk. The hawk assumed the manners of the man.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos
Page Number: 17
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 9: The Rite of Passage Quotes

Nothing was wrong with the hawk. She wasn’t sick. She was a baby. She fell asleep because that’s what babies do. I wasn’t sick either. But I was orphaned and desperately suggestible, and I didn’t know what was happening to me. For years I’d scoffed at White’s notion of hawk-training as a rite of passage. Overblown, I’d thought. Loopy. Because it wasn’t like that. I knew it wasn’t. I’d flown scores of hawks, and every step of their training was familiar to me. But while the steps were familiar, the person taking them was not. I was in ruins. Some deep part of me was trying to rebuild itself, and its model was right there on my fist. The hawk was everything I wanted to be: solitary, self-possessed, free from grief, and numb to the hurts of human life.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos
Page Number: 85
Explanation and Analysis:

As I sit there happily feeding tidbits to the hawk, her name drops into my head. Mabel. From amabilis, meaning loveable, or dear. An old, slightly silly name, an unfashionable name. […But there is] a superstition among falconer’s that a hawk’s ability is inversely proportional to the ferocity of its name. […] ‘Mabel.’ I say the word out loud and watch her watching me say it. My mouth shapes the word. ‘Mabel.’ And as I say it, it strikes me that all those people outside the window who shop and walk and cycle and go home and eat and love and sleep and dream—all of them have names. And so do I. ‘Helen,’ I say. How strange it sounds. How very strange.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos, Father
Related Symbols: Tethers
Page Number: 89
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 10: Darkness Quotes

She runs her beak through one feather after another in quick succession: the sound is of paper being scored, or a pack of cards being shuffled. Then she stretches one broad wing behind her, drags it slowly back over her sunlit tail, and rouses, squeaking happily through her nose. I watch all this with a ravenous, gulping-down-champagne sense of joy. Look how happy she is, I think. This room is not a dungeon and I am not a torturer. I am a beneficent figure, one who crouches and stoops in anxious genuflection, bearing delicious treats of steak in my hand.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos
Page Number: 93
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 11: Leaving Home Quotes

“I thought of the small race now underground, strangers of a vanished species safe from comprehension, almost from imagination: monks, nuns, and the eternal villein. I was as close to them as anybody, now, close even to Chaucer, ‘with grey goshawk in hond.’ […] We loved each other.”

White’s visit to Chapel Green was my favourite part of The Goshawk when I was young. It was a communion with something lost and forgotten, and somehow a hawk was at the heart of it. It always gave me a sense of kinship with White […]

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White (speaker), Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos
Page Number: 105
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 23: Memorial Quotes

Gos was still out there in the forest, the dark forest to which all things lost must go. I’d wanted to slip across the borders of this world into that wood and bring back the hawk White lost. Some part of me that was still very small and old had known this, some part of me that didn’t work according to the everyday rules of the world but with the logic of myths and dreams. And that part of me had hoped, too, that somewhere in that other world was my father. His death had been so sudden. There had been no time to prepare for it, no sense in it happening at all. He could only be lost. He was out there, still, somewhere out there in that tangled wood with all the rest of the lost and dead. I know now hat those dream in spring had meant, the ones of a hawk slipping through a rent in the air into another world. I’d wanted to fly with the hawk to find my father; find him and bring him home.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos, Father
Related Symbols: Tethers
Page Number: 220
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 27: The New World Quotes

Knots were probably the earliest spells. The two hawks consider themselves spell-bound to their blocks by my arts…I am convinced that if nobody had ever invented knots, nobody would have ever imagined magicians.

As a falconer, [White] would be in the book, along with all the other parts he would play in the hawk’s education [… culminating with] Prospero, of course, the masterly magician who has led them through the ceremonies and ordeals of their hawkish adolescence, for White thinks he knows what freedom is now, and what growing up means. He is party to the magic that is the binding of the hawk […]and knows that at the end of the book must come the deepest mystery of all. The hawk must escape ‘[…] only to find out that there was a charm within the charm, that the wizard was a holy man after all, quite happy about the escape himself.’

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White (speaker), Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk)
Related Symbols: Tethers
Page Number: 257
Explanation and Analysis:
Get the entire H is for Hawk LitChart as a printable PDF.
H is for Hawk PDF

T. H. White Quotes in H is for Hawk

The H is for Hawk quotes below are all either spoken by T. H. White or refer to T. H. White . For each quote, you can also see the other characters and themes related to it (each theme is indicated by its own dot and icon, like this one:
Living with the Wild  Theme Icon
).
Chapter 4: Mr White Quotes

And back in India, right at the beginning, where he remembered lizards and fireworks and candlelit darknesses and grown-ups in evening dress, he remembered also the terror of beatings, and arguments, and his mother’s hatred of his father, and his father’s hatred of her, and his drinking, and the endless, awful, violent war between them in which he was the pawn. His mother lavished attention on her dogs and her husband had them shot. She lavished attention on the boy and the boy was convinced he’d be next. ‘I am told,’ he wrote, ‘that my father and mother were to be found wrestling with a pistol, one on either side of my cot, each claiming that he or she was going to shoot the other and himself or herself, but in any case beginning with me.’ And then: ‘It was not a safe kind of childhood.’

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Gos, Father
Page Number: 37
Explanation and Analysis:

Feral. He wanted to be free. He wanted to be ferocious. He wanted to be fey, a fairy, ferox. All those elements of himself he’d pushed away, his sexuality, his desire for cruelty, for mastery: all these were suddenly there in the figure of the hawk. White had found himself in the hawk that Blaine had lost. He clutched it tightly. It might hurt him, but he wouldn’t let go. He would train it. Yes. He would teach the hawk, and he would teach himself, and he would write a book about it and teach his readers this doomed and ancient art. […] He’d train his hawk in the ruins of his former life. And then when the war came, […] White would fly his goshawk, eat the pheasants it caught, a survivor, […] far from the bitter, sexual confusion of the metropolis or the small wars of the schoolroom.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White
Page Number: 45
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 5: Holding Tight Quotes

It’s a sad picture. It reminds me of a paper by the psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott, the one about a child obsessed with string; a boy who tied together chairs and tables, tied cushions to the fireplace, even, worryingly, tied string around his sister’s neck. Winnicott saw this behaviour as a way of dealing with fears of abandonment by the boy’s mother, who’d suffered bouts of depression. For the boy, the string was a kind of wordless communication, a symbolic means of joining. It was a denial of separation. Holding tight. Perhaps those jesses might have been unspoken attempts to hold onto something that had already flown away. […] I had a twin brother. He didn’t [survive …] When I found out about my twin many years later, the news was surprising. But not so surprising. I’d always felt a part of me was missing […]

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , The Breeder
Related Symbols: Tethers
Page Number: 49
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 8: The Rembrandt Interior Quotes

It was the Tragedy paper that led me to read Freud, because he was still fashionable back then, and because psychoanalysts had their shot at explaining tragedy too. And after reading him I began to see all sorts of psychological transferences in my falconry books. I saw those nineteenth-century falconers were projecting onto their hawks all the male qualities they thought threatened by modern life: wildness, power, virility, independence, and strength. By identifying with their hawks as they trained them, they could introject, or repossess, those qualities. At the same time, they could exercise their power by ‘civilising’ a wild and primitive creature. Masculinity and conquest: two imperial myths for the price of one. The Victorian falconer assumed the power and strength of the hawk. The hawk assumed the manners of the man.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos
Page Number: 17
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 9: The Rite of Passage Quotes

Nothing was wrong with the hawk. She wasn’t sick. She was a baby. She fell asleep because that’s what babies do. I wasn’t sick either. But I was orphaned and desperately suggestible, and I didn’t know what was happening to me. For years I’d scoffed at White’s notion of hawk-training as a rite of passage. Overblown, I’d thought. Loopy. Because it wasn’t like that. I knew it wasn’t. I’d flown scores of hawks, and every step of their training was familiar to me. But while the steps were familiar, the person taking them was not. I was in ruins. Some deep part of me was trying to rebuild itself, and its model was right there on my fist. The hawk was everything I wanted to be: solitary, self-possessed, free from grief, and numb to the hurts of human life.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos
Page Number: 85
Explanation and Analysis:

As I sit there happily feeding tidbits to the hawk, her name drops into my head. Mabel. From amabilis, meaning loveable, or dear. An old, slightly silly name, an unfashionable name. […But there is] a superstition among falconer’s that a hawk’s ability is inversely proportional to the ferocity of its name. […] ‘Mabel.’ I say the word out loud and watch her watching me say it. My mouth shapes the word. ‘Mabel.’ And as I say it, it strikes me that all those people outside the window who shop and walk and cycle and go home and eat and love and sleep and dream—all of them have names. And so do I. ‘Helen,’ I say. How strange it sounds. How very strange.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos, Father
Related Symbols: Tethers
Page Number: 89
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 10: Darkness Quotes

She runs her beak through one feather after another in quick succession: the sound is of paper being scored, or a pack of cards being shuffled. Then she stretches one broad wing behind her, drags it slowly back over her sunlit tail, and rouses, squeaking happily through her nose. I watch all this with a ravenous, gulping-down-champagne sense of joy. Look how happy she is, I think. This room is not a dungeon and I am not a torturer. I am a beneficent figure, one who crouches and stoops in anxious genuflection, bearing delicious treats of steak in my hand.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos
Page Number: 93
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 11: Leaving Home Quotes

“I thought of the small race now underground, strangers of a vanished species safe from comprehension, almost from imagination: monks, nuns, and the eternal villein. I was as close to them as anybody, now, close even to Chaucer, ‘with grey goshawk in hond.’ […] We loved each other.”

White’s visit to Chapel Green was my favourite part of The Goshawk when I was young. It was a communion with something lost and forgotten, and somehow a hawk was at the heart of it. It always gave me a sense of kinship with White […]

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White (speaker), Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos
Page Number: 105
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 23: Memorial Quotes

Gos was still out there in the forest, the dark forest to which all things lost must go. I’d wanted to slip across the borders of this world into that wood and bring back the hawk White lost. Some part of me that was still very small and old had known this, some part of me that didn’t work according to the everyday rules of the world but with the logic of myths and dreams. And that part of me had hoped, too, that somewhere in that other world was my father. His death had been so sudden. There had been no time to prepare for it, no sense in it happening at all. He could only be lost. He was out there, still, somewhere out there in that tangled wood with all the rest of the lost and dead. I know now hat those dream in spring had meant, the ones of a hawk slipping through a rent in the air into another world. I’d wanted to fly with the hawk to find my father; find him and bring him home.

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White , Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk), Gos, Father
Related Symbols: Tethers
Page Number: 220
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 27: The New World Quotes

Knots were probably the earliest spells. The two hawks consider themselves spell-bound to their blocks by my arts…I am convinced that if nobody had ever invented knots, nobody would have ever imagined magicians.

As a falconer, [White] would be in the book, along with all the other parts he would play in the hawk’s education [… culminating with] Prospero, of course, the masterly magician who has led them through the ceremonies and ordeals of their hawkish adolescence, for White thinks he knows what freedom is now, and what growing up means. He is party to the magic that is the binding of the hawk […]and knows that at the end of the book must come the deepest mystery of all. The hawk must escape ‘[…] only to find out that there was a charm within the charm, that the wizard was a holy man after all, quite happy about the escape himself.’

Related Characters: Helen Macdonald (speaker), T. H. White (speaker), Mabel (Macdonald’s Goshawk)
Related Symbols: Tethers
Page Number: 257
Explanation and Analysis: