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Book 3, Chapter 1
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in The End of the Affair, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Love and Hatred
Faith, Acceptance, and the Divine
Jealousy and Passion
Adultery, Deception, and Honesty
Summary
Analysis
On June 12, 1944 Sarah writes that she “get[s] so tired” of trying to make Maurice understand that she truly loves him. She writes that she “knows [Maurice] is afraid of that desert” they’ll find themselves in if their relationship ends but expresses frustration that she can’t make him understand that she feels the same way. Sarah describes Maurice’s jealousy as “a medieval chastity belt” and claims that without it they could be happy together forever.
Sarah makes her first mention of the “desert,” which symbolizes a loveless life. Sarah recognizes that both she and Bendrix are afraid of the desert, but Bendrix doesn’t recognize that Sarah is as afraid of it as he is. Sarah herself feels trapped by Bendrix’s jealousy, describing it as a “chastity belt,” which implies that it limits her movements and freedom—even though she already loves Bendrix in the way he wants her to.
Themes
In the same journal entry, Sarah wonders if God could fill the desert if she believed in him. She describes herself as someone who wants “everything” and then considers that many people believe that “God is everything.” Sarah then describes the love she has for Maurice and says she believes in his love for her because she feels love for him. This leads Sarah to believe that if she could love God, then she would be able to believe God loves her, too.
Although Sarah is afraid of the desert, it seems like she is preparing to go into it. She’s already wondering if she could fill the void Bendrix would leave behind by embracing the love of God, which indicates that she is already starting to not only accept God but love him as well.
Themes
On June 17, 1944 Sarah says she wants to keep writing because “As long as [she] goes on writing, yesterday is today and [they] are still together.” Writing about the day before, Sarah describes going to the park and hearing an atheist “attack[] Christianity” even though nobody seemed to be listening. At the time Sarah is writing, she’s on a train to go to Henry and she wonders what would happen if she were back in London. Sarah asserts that she “might be killed quickly,” but that at least she’d be able to call Maurice. As it is, Sarah finds that even though she generally loves Henry, she hates him at the moment because he is happy while Maurice and she are not.
Sarah says she is going to Henry but describes it as a negative thing. She also says she’s writing to hang onto the past (yesterday) because she’s not ready to let go. This indicates that she already regrets breaking off her affair with Bendrix. However, it is clear that Sarah is committed to going to Henry because even though she describes how easy it would be go to back to London and Bendrix, she is still on the train heading toward Henry.
Themes
Of the evening before, Sarah says that “the sirens went.” Sarah notices that she mistakenly wrote “This evening” instead of “last evening,” but writes that it doesn’t matter because “In the desert there’s no time.” Sarah writes that she can come out of the desert by changing trains and going back to Maurice and that Henry would be none the wiser. Furthermore, Sarah says she can return to Maurice without anyone except herself and God (who, Sarah writes, “can’t exist”) knowing that she has broken a mysterious “vow.”
Sarah’s note about the “sirens” refers to the air raid sirens that would alert London citizens about raids like the one that almost killed Bendrix. Sarah’s observation about the nature of time and statement that “there’s no time” in the desert implies that she is in the desert now; that would further imply that she’s officially entered a loveless existence without Bendrix—she is on the train to Henry because she has broken up with Bendrix.
Themes
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Sarah writes that she and Maurice “paid no attention to the sirens” when they heard them. At first, they weren’t worried, but when the air raid continued, Maurice went to see if anyone was in the basement. Sarah writes that after he left, there was an explosion in the house; she went downstairs and found Maurice under a door, seemingly dead. Sarah describes, in a moment of “hysteria,” kneeling on the floor to pray even though she’d never been taught how. During her prayer, Sarah asked God to “make [her] believe” and promised that she would believe if God let Maurice live. Continuing her prayer, Sarah told God that she would “give [Maurice] up forever” if he were allowed to live. Just then, Sarah writes, Maurice walked in and she thought to herself: “now the agony of being without him starts.”
In her moment of “hysteria,” Sarah followed her instincts, which prompted her to pray to God. This indicates that Sarah had a belief in God already—at least enough of it to trust and believe that he could bring Bendrix back to life if she made a good enough promise. To Sarah’s credit, the moment she saw that Bendrix was alive, she prepared to make good on her promise—she takes her vow to God very seriously, which reveals that she is typically inclined to honesty despite her deceitful extramarital affairs.
Themes
