Bendrix’s final prayer—and clearest admission of his belief in God—comes about as a result of Henry’s words. Bendrix feels Henry’s growing love for him and recognizes the danger—if Henry loves Bendrix, then Bendrix may come to love Henry. Love itself does not scare Bendrix, but the pain of losing love does. Ultimately, what Bendrix wants is apathy. He doesn’t want the pain of love or hatred; he doesn’t have any more energy to spend on either one, because he’s spent it all on Sarah and his pursuit of revenge. In her diary, Sarah wrote that she and Bendrix had “squander[ed]” all of their love on each other so there’d be nothing left, leaving room for God. Bendrix goes through a similar situation here: he realizes he has “squander[ed]” all of his meaningful emotions, and the best he can now hope for is for God to allow him apathy and indifference, both of which will keep him safe from pain. Of course, it’s unclear whether Bendrix will get what he wants; the ending leaves open the question of how Bendrix and Henry’s relationship might develop from here.